New Beginnings

Been a while since I've written here, or anywhere for that matter. Just been dry, unable to formulate my thoughts enough to get them out in writing. I've started a few times to end up staring at the screen thinking how in the world do I put what I'm feeling into words. So today I attempt to move forward and process some of the MANY thoughts swirling around in this head.

This has been an extremely difficult time for me. There are times I feel as if I can't move, can't think, can't breathe. Like a brick is sitting on my chest and the weight becomes more and more unbearable. Our circumstances are stressful at best. The decisions we have had to make due to these circumstances and the timing of them (life changing in the sense that we may now never be able to have more children) have rocked me to the core. The hurt that led us to this place doesn't seem to dissapate. It lingers...I think I'm moving past it and then it grabs on with a strangle hold on my heart. The hurt, the loss, the mourning, the deep sadness I feel is hard to express. The fear and uncertainty regarding our future can be difficult to push aside. I feel as though I am lacking in so many areas...emotionally (many days I lack the ability to look past my emotions), physically (most days I lack the energy to face this time with the drive and determination with which I would typically respond), financially (in another month we are facing a time of complete and total lack of income), spiritually (I often feel like I can't focus or receive with a right heart the truth of the Lord).

Ahhh, but yet in all my lack Lord, you pour out an abundance of your love on me. You work through the amazing people in our lives to meet our needs in so many ways!

I have to look at things like yesterday. Yesterday was a good day. Spent time with Mom and Ella. Our quest - to find the perfect Easter dress for our little princess. Mission accomplished and then some! My parents are so incredible. They have always been there to support and encourage my sisters and I ( and our families). When we hit tough times, they are always there standing in the gap and ready to help out in any way they can. This certainly isn't the first time in our lives we've needed that support, but I believe this may prove to be the most pivotable time. Beyond the incredible spiritual support and wisdom they pour out, they blessed us yesterday not only with an Easter dress, but also with a huge chunk of Ella's spring/summer wardrobe.

Then I process the love of God we've been shown by so many dear friends not just now during these tough times, but regularly for so many years. Just a few...car repairs by an incredible mechanic at low, low prices, hair care by a dear friend at rates that can't be beat, lawn care by friends that simply want to help us out at the cost of materials, child care whenever we need it with friends we trust with our lives (have never had to pay for a babysitter...EVER!), and now, women in my life I view as mentors that are committed to spending time with me regularly and pouring into my soul (women that will keep close watch over my heart). Wow! These are simply ways our daily needs are being met.

Then there's the past...His faithfulness, His provision...it's undeniable!

Lord, you have said to me, you will supply ALL my needs. You have said, through your faithful servant, that you have something for us in this. You have said, do not be anxious. You have said, you know the plans you have for us, to give us a hope and a future. You have said, you will bless the womb of the barren one.

Oh Lord how I want to be like Abraham! Who beyond all hope, never waivered through unbelief regarding your promise, but was strengthened in his faith being fully persuaded that you have the power to do what you have promised. I desire to be fully persuaded! Not simply giving "spiritual" lip service.

Thank you that beyond the way I feel is the reality of who you are! Thank you that I do not have to strive to be in unity with you...that you love me beyond measure, you delight in me, you are enthralled with my beauty, even in the days of my seeming faithlessness. Because of you I AM faithful, I am righteous, I am able to choose to walk strenghtened in my faith. Oh, what would I do without this identity you have given me, this grace you have bestowed upon me?

Leaving a Legacy - Devine Family Mission

I distinctly remember it. It was 1998, Keith's 2nd semester at Southeastern University, when God decided to introduce us to our life mission. CRAZY! You see, we had been married 4 1/2 years. The first 3 years could best be described as HELL...seriously. Year 4 got a little better as we began to come together with one focus (finding the right college for Keith to pursue his call to ministry). The problem - we were on opposite schedules, depended on our own families for everything and never built our relationship beyond the I Love You, Let's Get Married stage. We did however both love the Lord with all our hearts and agreed theologically in all the important areas. Basically, we agreed spiritually, financially, and politically. Reducing a huge amount of the stress many young married couples face. We also agreed that "Divorce" was not an option and not even in our vocabulary. Our marriage was not a contract, but a covenant with God and each other - it was fully binding and unbreakable. That was the glue that kept us together. It was that understanding alone that allowed us to reach the point in our marriage that God could begin to reveal his plan to us. A plan we knew, from the day we met, he had for us. "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.'" (Jeremiah 29:11)

So, back to 1998 (I'll fill in the blanks another time with a blog about the rest of our story). Keith would come home from classes and we would sit down to talk about his day. Yes, for the record, I deserve an honorary degree : ) We were learning so much and loved to talk things through. Our paradigms were challenged on a daily basis and we, being in such agreement theologically, chose to challenge a great deal of the information being presented. One of Keith's professors required him to read a book called Victory Over the Darkness, by Neil Anderson. It is a book about discovering your identity in Christ and the freedom that results. We decided to read the book together and it challenged us to the core. We were sure the book was wrong...life in Christ couldn't possibly be that simple. We began to challenge the book point for point directly with scripture. Wow! It was truth. We were amazed. We began to adopt that truth into our lives and walk out what we had learned. OUR LIVES WERE TRANSFORMED!

Questions began to swirl around in our heads...How could it be that we were raised in the church (Preacher's kid and church Elder's kid) and had somehow missed, even among great teachings on the Grace of God, this life changing truth? How many other's were struggling through their Christian existance with no idea about the freedom they have in Christ or what that statement even means? What could we do about it? Could we change the world around us? Would others experience the same life change we had?

Our response - Yes, we can make a difference. We can make sure that everyone God allows our lives to touch, hears this good news of the gospel. This Vision took hold in our hearts and our family mission was solidified. We set out to introduce others to their identity in Christ and the incredible freedom that accompanies this understanding. "...to testify to the Gospel of God's Grace." (Acts 20:24b) This mission has become more and more ingrained in our lives over the years.

A Weekend to Remember

Last weekend, Keith & I took off to Greenville, SC for a Family Life "Weekend to Remember" Conference. We've been to a number of marriage conferences in the past, however this was our first in approximately 7 years. We spend so much time together with pre-married couples, counseling them and praying that God will use us to prepare them for the best marriage possible. Knowing it's important to refuel and take time to assess and work on our own relationship in order to be most effective in counseling others, we were excited to have been blessed with the opportunity to attend the conference. Great conference - great information - highly recommended. It challenged us to look at and work through some important areas of our relationship. It was great to have some time alone with my hubby (uninterrupted by toddler or blackberry : ), a little extra rest, and time to talk through some personal thoughts without distraction.

What did I take away from the weekend? My husband is a gift from God! I love him with all my heart and wouldn't want to do life with any one else. This life is short and God brought us together to accomplish His purpose, not just to live "happily ever after" making babies in marital bliss. [Bliss - defined by The Free Dictionary online - extreme happiness, ecstasy]

The cool thing - understanding our mission as a couple/family, staying focused on Christ and remaining centered around this purpose, we CAN live in marital bliss! Will we argue, fight, and struggle at times? Absolutely! It's important to note, however, bliss is also defined by The Free Dictionary online as spiritual joy. The joy of fulfilling our purpose as a family and leaving a Godly legacy will far outweigh the struggles we may face - that, my friends, is marital bliss!

As for the Devine's...our mission is clear! I am so thankful to have such a wonderful husband at my side.

What God Says About Me...and You! Part 2

These scriptures are reminders to me of the beautiful identity I have in Christ. Writing them down is simply one way I am choosing to renew my mind and immerse myself in these truths.

The awesome part...What is true of me, is true of you!

All who have accepted the wondrous, good news of Christ, share in His inheritance. What is true of Christ is now true of us, because we are in Christ. It's part of our identity.

Truth for today:

I am the light of the world (Matt.5:14)

and in Christ, by God's grace,

I died with Christ and died to the power of sin's rule over my life

(Rom. 6:1-6)

If you'd like to grow in the understanding of your Identity in Christ, I highly recommend you take the time to read "Victory Over the Darkness" by Neil T. Andersen. Understanding these truths has revolutionized my life. I believe wholeheartedly...FREEDOM in it's truest form can only come from a clear understanding of who one is in Christ.

Reality TV that will Touch Your Heart

New reality show through Samaritan's Purse. Looks like it will be great! For more info, check out http://www.childrensheart.tv .

What God Says About Me...and You!

Today I am adding a new element to this blog..."What God Says About Me...and You". These scriptures are reminders to me of the beautiful identity I have in Christ. Writing them down is simply one way I am choosing to renew my mind and immerse myself in these truths.

The awesome part...What is true of me, is true of you!

All who have accepted the wondrous, good news of Christ, share in His inheritance. What is true of Christ is now true of us, because we are in Christ. It's part of our identity.

Truth for today:

I am the salt of the earth. (Matt. 5:13)

and in Christ, by God's grace,

I have been justified - completely forgiven and made righteous (Rom. 5:1)


If you'd like to grow in the understanding of your Identity in Christ, I highly recommend you take the time to read "Victory Over the Darkness" by Neil T. Andersen. Understanding these truths has revolutionized my life. I believe wholeheartedly...FREEDOM in it's truest form can only come from a clear understanding of who one is in Christ.

A REAL Day Off

Yesterday, I took Ella to Lincolnton to stay the night with Grammy & Poppa. Keith & I had plans to celebrate a friends 30th birthday and decided to make other arrangements for her. So today, childless for the day, we experienced our first real day off in a very long time. We slept late, went to breakfast, wandered from store to store looking at backyard playsets to get ideas for a playset for Ella. We are considering building one for her birthday. It was a nice, relaxed day. The great part was we both felt okay today and, with all the crazy allergy sinus stuff we've had going on lately, that in itself is HUGE! The day was stress free, frustration free, and argument free. Yay! "Argument free?", you may ask. Yes, I know it's hard to believe, but Pastors and their wives actually do argue. Ours, mostly stress, lack of rest and family time induced. We love what we do and the opportunities the Lord gives us to take part in the lives of people around us - wouldn't change it for the world! However, our schedules tend to get crazy and over busy at times and with that come emotions that run high and tempers that flare more easily than they normally would. So...today, a very good day that ended in dinner with Ella and my parents and bringing our incredibly beautiful, little girl home. Tomorrow... a family day kicked off by taking Ella to an Easter egg hunt.

Thank you Lord for pouring your peace and refreshment into this day. I love that you are active in our world, calming things and reminding us of the importance of renewing ourselves by taking time off from our daily routines.